New Milestone: 45 lbs down!

I stepped on the scale a few days ago and saw 151.0 which puts me firmly at 45 lbs down from where I started at 196. We had a stomach bug that passed through everyone in the house so I am sure that had an effect but I am happy to see that number on the scale :). My mom starts chemo this week so it may not stay that low, but I am going to try and keep it there and stay on track. The picture above is from this weekend - I went to lunch with my mom (center) and my aunt (right).

~C

Bump in the Road AKA Life

It has been a while since I have posted so I thought I would type something up quickly before heading to bed. Just when I was doing great, dropping the weight fairly easily with just keeping track of calorie intake, I think I hit a plateau. Or maybe I just got tired of being so "good." But my weight has hovered between 153 and 156 for the past few weeks and I am not loving it. Then, last week life just happened. As in, unexpected, scary, emotional and stressful life. My mom went to urgent care with some stomach pain on a Friday night and by this time on Monday she was coming out of surgery with an 18' scar running up and down her abdomen and a diagnosis of Stage 3C ovarian cancer.

WTF?!?! My mom, indestructible, stubborn, strong, healthy, loving Mom. And now she has cancer and we are reeling from the news. I have a very tight knit family who came together instantly but the stress has settled in and I have really struggled this past week. Emotionally, mentally, physically and with the way I interact with food. Thank goodness my 98-yr-old great grandma has been keeping the church people at bay. I cannot afford to have a house full of calorie-laden casseroles calling my name. I am not very strong right now with willpower but I am trying to find it again. I do not want to return to where I started or anywhere in between for that matter. This is something I have worked very hard on and the last thing I need is to throw it all away.

Food won't take away my sadness, anger, frustration, exhaustion, stress, pain, or anguish. It won't take away her cancer either. I look at this as a true test of what I have learned over the past 7 months and how I can choose what foods, and how much of those foods, I consume. I am trying to go back to the basics and my new mantra for myself is, "I don't have to eat" when I feel the urge to snack, drink or overindulge when my body is actually not hungry at all. I have no intention to starve myself, but sometimes I think my body tells my mind that I MUST eat if I see something I want, no matter whether I am hungry or not and that just isn't true.

I know I don't have to eat if I don't want to or if I don't feel hungry.
~C