Under the Radar

I am losing weight again but this time it's under the radar. I'm not talking about it much to anyone - I'm tired of talking it up and gaining it all back. As I mentioned in my last post, things have been pretty intense and today is quite a bit different and not so different all at the same time.

At this juncture I have lost my home, hubby and I are in the midst of a bankruptcy, I am still living with my mom and my family, I am no longer teaching fitness classes but I have acquired full time work. Oh and hubby is also in a new job which is the best job he's ever had. My daughter started kindergarten 3 weeks ago and my son is in full time childcare. We are in the process of turning things around but it's an uphill climb.

Once I started working at a full-time, high-intensity desk job again, I started gaining the weight back. I've been in my new job for 5 months now and I am ready to look like "myself" again.

About 2 weeks ago my 16-yr-old stepdaughter had a birthday and during the festivities my mom began snapping away with her digital camera. Later that night, she posted the photos on Facebook for the whole world to enjoy. Well, when I was clicking through the photos, I was mortified. I was embarrassed by every single picture of me. I am not kidding when I say I literally did not recognize myself. The person in the pictures did not look like me at all. I had to ask my mom to delete or crop me out of all of the photos I was in.

It was that night that made me realize that I have been carrying around a whole lot of "me" that I do not need. I don't have to look like that anymore. I can lose the luggage, get rid of the junk in the trunk, take off my "winter" coat. I know I can lose this weight and keep it off - my weight does not define who I am just like the amount of money in my bank account has no bearing on my self worth. I have learned these things on my journey and I am on the path to putting what I have learned into practice for myself.

With this in mind, here is a breakdown as to where I am at right now and where I was about 2 weeks ago:

~C

Age: 32

Weight 2 weeks ago: 196

Weight today: 186 (2 weeks and 10 lbs!!)

Realistic goal: 160

Ideal goal: 150

How I am doing it: watching what food I put in my mouth

Exercise: Currently - none (but this will change soon)