A Confession . . . Please Don't Tell My Husband

Ok, so as I have been losing weight my husband has repeatedly asked if he should be "worried" about my new interest in my physical appearance. In every article that talks about signs of cheating in a marriage, sudden weight loss/renewed focus on appearance is always one of the signs. And I have repeatedly maintained that the only person I am losing weight for is ME. Which is completely true. 100%. I am not losing weight for anyone else - you could say I have started a love affair with myself again and I don't plan on stopping anytime soon!

However, I would be disingenuous if I didn't acknowledge that I do enjoy the new attention I have received from people at work. Men and women. I like it when people notice that I am looking better and dressing nicer. I like actually feeling like I am attractive to men again. It had been so crazy long since I had been hit on, I forgot what that felt like. As I type this, I feel silly. It sounds like I am getting hit on all the time or something and that's not true. There have been a few instances but the funny thing is, I don't think the guys even realize that I have lost weight. Which brings me to my most recent re-revelation: most men are mindless puppets, cued in almost exclusively to women's physical appearance. It's obnoxious. They never would have showed any interest when I weighed more but now suddenly I am worthy of attention? And I would wager that as I lose more weight, I will become more interesting to them.

So there it is, that's my confession. I like the attention but I feel like I am 16 again, enjoying attention from boys but knowing that the only thing that has "earned" me their attention is my physical appearance. And funny enough, at the end of the day, it makes me appreciate, love and respect my husband even more. He loved me when I was thinner, when I was bigger, the way I am right now and whatever way I end up. I know this won't change. Our love has a foundation that goes far beyond physical appearance and society's standards of "beauty." We legitimately share a love that other people would give everything to have and it's not something I would trade in for empty attention, ever.

~C