Re-training My Brain

I was conversing with my guy as I started the most recent weight loss attempt one day not long ago. He asked what my goal weight was. I refused to give him a number because I ultimately want to look and feel good in my own skin. This prompted a bit of a debate about how I would know I reached my goal if I didn't identify it and say it out loud. I told him I didn't have one and that I would simply know when I got there.

The truth is, I knew exactly what that number was. It was 140. That was my number, my goal weight, my desired destination. But for some reason I couldn't say it, wouldn't say it, and stood by my guns. I felt justified, and used the "I just want to look and feel good" card to get out of the conversation. In reality, I was afraid. I was afraid of speaking my goal in case I somehow couldn't, or wouldn't make it there. I was afraid of failure. I was afraid that my "never thin" genetics would literally prevent me from reaching that goal, or allow me to get to 135 which is my "fantasy" goal. 

During the conversation, I also brought up that I didn't want to lose too much because I didn't want to look like a bobble head, and when I lost weight before, people would comment that maybe I was getting too skinny, and one guy even told me I should gain 5-7 lbs. I tried convincing my guy that I just wouldn't look right if I lost "too much." Again, he challenged me, and said perhaps people had an idea of what I was supposed to look like based on the heavy Me, and that maybe their perception was a bit skewed. I politely agreed that it was possible although my brain didn't buy it. The outsiders were right, they knew best, and just because I took one photo in which I feel I looked a bit like a bobble head, I had proof that I shouldn't do more than achieve my goal of 140. Except that inside I actually wanted to make it down to 135.


What I have come to realize from that exchange, is that as much as the outside world's brains have been trained to see me in a certain way, my own brain is way worse! I see myself as always being the girl with the belly, who has to eat like a rabbit in order to keep the lbs away! I see myself as not having much upper body muscle definition, and I see myself staying in the 145-150 range.

The great part about this is that none of it is true! My brain has been conditioned to see things in a certain way predicated on the past, and really, I can chart my own future. So, today I choose to get rid of the chubby girl image in my brain, and take ownership for my goals and aspirations. Or in other words, excuse me, I am off to re-train my brain!