So close . . .

I stepped on the scale today and first was thrilled by what I saw but also felt a little taunted by the number looking back at me: 147. Holy freaking cow, I have actually solidly made my way into the 140s! And then the taunting part came when I realized that this means I have lost 49 lbs so far and I am so insanely close to hitting 50 lbs down that I am extremely antsy to see 146 looking back at me. What will that be like? I honestly might cry. This has been a long and exciting journey for me and it has taken a kind of dedication and motivation that I often forget I am capable of. On August 10, 2011 my mom posted some pictures of me on Facebook that made me mortified, sad and upset. I did not recognize the person in the photos and I instantly begged her to remove them from public view. Today I wish I could find the photos to share here so everyone can see what I am talking about - the official before photos that prompted me to take control of my personal addiction: food.

What a blessing those photos were. I might have just kept plugging along, unhappy and frustrated until I developed diabetes or suffered problems from high cholesterol and blood pressure. Thank goodness they made me as mad as they did. Perhaps I would still be battling with every bite I took. Thank goodness for these moments of clarity in life. I am more healthy and I can honestly say I love myself more now than ever before in my life. I feel empowered, I feel competent, I feel in control of my choices. These are the real blessings that I need to remember when I get anxious about milestones. I absolutely know that the achievement does not lie in the number on the scale, but in the behavioral transformation I have experienced. However, I would be a liar if I said I won't be over the moon to post when I consistently see 146 looking back at me. As Barney would say on the TV show How I Met Your Mother, "It'll be LEGENDARY!" In the meantime, cheers to being healthy and feeling good :).
~C